i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
