I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
