Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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