I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
