I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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