Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
