I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
