I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
