K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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