i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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