my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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