His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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