forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
