they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
