I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
