The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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