After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
