i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
