I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Say something about gay babies.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
