The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
