Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
