everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
