I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
