i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
