NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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