my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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