AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
