Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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