Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she told me i tasted like america
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
