Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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