none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
