my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
