I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
