he puts the penis in happiness.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A bitchslap is in order.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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