I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
