so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate all girls vehemently.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
