but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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