You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
