We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you had me at cake vodka
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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