Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
