Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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