You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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