Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
