I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
