My pussy is not your playground.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
