After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
