Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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