There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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