I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
