I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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