it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dicks are not precious.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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