can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
