Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Enjoy the penises
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
