Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
