I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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