I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
