I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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