She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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