he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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