oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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