the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
