I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
