..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
