Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize