Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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