my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
