well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
