wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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