If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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